How sorry I am to myself # Creation 27

I know that I am not like everyone, mortals ratify this to me everyday. People stare at me, rendering how sorry they are for me and my razed face. I can read the essence in their eyes, which are screaming disgust , an unacceptability for me to be in their vision. Nobody looks pleased to see me. They show me whispering to whom I failed to grab the attention. But I have no moans with them. I would have been doing the same, if I would be them. I avoid being in crowd.

They just remind me of the misfortune who is me.I used to live like a free bird until he burnt down my feathers of confidence. Those parties, family gatherings look like no more for me. Sometimes my friends invites me for partying , clubbing and all that hangout stuff I used to do then, but its like that incident have extracted out that me out of me. I can’t be the same again. Though, My life is not changed that much. My family still loves me a lot. Mom still kisses me on my forehead every morning, she still put that chilli spray in my hand bag whenever I tell her that I would be late from my classes and Dad, he still brings me bunch of chocolates and buy me those tempting Beautiful dresses which look extremely gorgeous on Mannequins. Though, sometimes I think about the people who have changed since then.

I don’t feel complaintive generally, but I just think sometimes that God could have brought me that fiend a little later. May be a week or two. Or he would have acknowledged me about its coming. So that I would tell the person, whom I had loved about my feelings. I don’t know what he had felt for me, but now I am not strong enough to face him, because I am afraid that I would see sympathy in his eyes, eyes in which I have always wished to see love for me. God, if you had given me any sign that this is going to happen to me, I would have consent when dad used to convince me for my marriage.  I would’ve not be a burden on you dad. I am sorry dad.

He was daft actually. He thought that chemical would just burn my face, he didn’t know that it would effect intrinsic. He didn’t know that it would demolish the whole me, it would kill the psyche inside my body. Might be I would have tolerated that insolence that day, but as a human being, I was unaware that he would revert me so deep to hurt his ego. He is jailed but still he won , I lost. His cruelty is still mapped on my face.

But as it is said, no one can snatch the art inside you,even his hatered couldn’t. I can still portrait pictures so lifelike. Pictures which are so colourful, so lively as the life inside me is depicted down on the paper. I have many accolades decorating up my shelves but I think art is something which must be passed on, so I teach sketching to kids . I love to spend time with them . They  don’t critique me for my face. Its like they think that Drawing teachers look like that. They don’t sympathize me and I feel much comfortable with them. Hachiko, My dog is my lifeline too. I share the laughters and tears with him. I feel that he understands me better than the most of people out there.

I know that fate has chosen different paths for me which have spikes and sufferings on each step and I have made to walk on it, but God, I promise you that I would make out a happy life out of the breaths which are left , for the people who still love me and for making me believe that I didn’t lose to him. I will win one day. Yes…I will do it.

                                                                          :-Garvit Agrawal

Apprehensions #Creation 26

We fear. We fear to say. We fear to admit. We fear to step up. There are fears which are abating the profounding us. Fears which are keeping us to be more ourselves. Fear to express, fear to feel. But just stop it..stop it right now.

Stop letting your fears fadeout your winked heart. And rememer one thing that the fear to loose will never let you win. Just forget about the god damn consequences if its not jesting up the ethics. And Understand that result is not the conclusion always.  If there exist something that brings you closer to yourself, or gives you a self satisfaction and happiness then don’t bother yourself, just do it. Any outcome can’t be worse than a regret of life time.

Live high. Do the wildest things, tell people how much they matter for you, get yourself high on alcohols.. it wouldn’t kill you damn it, propose your love in the most romantic style you have ever imagined, no matter how stupid it is… reciting william black on your knees or whatever it is. Jump down into the water from that heightened cliff, don’t try to manipulate the mountaineer inside you that provokes you to climb up even in a temperature that is beating the zero, spend on the things you love even if it would ruin your savings,trust that ripcord and jump down from thousands of feets above the ground and feel that how it feels to be uncapturable. Do your dream jobs even if don’t earns you much bucks. Think less, fear least and just live out a life so amazing that it left nothing to repent about. Life is beyond fears.

@Garvit

"Dear Sister"- An Open Letter #Creation 25

I had never thought that someday I would miss those little things so much. Those family stuff when we all used to sit together, eat together in a place which have its definition by each one of you. When we used to celebrate birthdays so warm, when I used to save my pocket money just for two causes, to bring you Rakshabandhan gifts and to buy that red remote control car. We had fights for almost everything which I had to share with you, whether its about accessing the tv remote or for that narrow space in front of that ‘bada wala mirror’, whether its for the crackers which dad used to bought to us or those devoted desires to bat first in those crucial cricket matches with you in the backyard. It all was too infantile and stupid, yet beautiful.

I had never considered it much then, but in the later times, I have realised that you were my first best friend, with whom I have spent my whole childhood and artless. I still remember the times when I was in my earliest teen age and I  used to manage a intense tough look to those loafers who used to follow you with their eyes when we used to walk together to the those street food stalls in the market and the times when you used to pamper me when I got sick and motivate me for participation in competitions and burst up my self confidence. You guided me through out, whether it was studies or whenever I tried cooking.

You were some 2 years elder to me, but I never felt the difference in ages. But now, I feel the difference. You are married now. You don’t live with us any more. You are family to other people too, who are miles apart. And I know I can’t even imagine how hard it would be for you to opt between two families, in which one would never have been an option. Whenever I make my way to home in any sort of vacations, it all feels incomplete. Mom-dad are a bit pale now, may be because we both are not with them and they are aged now. I think they have got used to of this hush. But my mind fails to adopt this change everytime when I come home. I can watch the whole football match and now no one would poke me to change the channel, but now its not that Joyous, may be just because you are not here to urge for your daily soaps. Though we had never missed a single chance to roast each other, but I really miss our togetherness, our arguments, our late night ice cream parties., our long talks in which we used to share everything, from the lies we have spoken to mum. .to our infatuations. We had good understandings. But permanency is extraneous from the dictionary of life.

Now, I wait up for the junctures, when you will be here and this house will look like a home again and this inanimateness screw out of our lives and we, the family would look complete.

@Garvit

UNEXPRESSED # Creation 24

I have you in front of me sitting in the chair. Our favorite white sauce pasta which has been ordered an hour ago or earlier is about to finish. You are narrating the incidents which you have came across since we last met and explaining each and every detail of times like when you have done some extremely crazy things and the story of last weekend when a tall handsome guy approached you in a rock night.

              You are laughing and blinking and as usual, your expressions are so intensely linked with your words like they are signifying the natural you and the depths of your realness. And I am here, reflecting in you eye balls, having a fork in my hand though I have not been using it much. But I am too lost to put it down. Lost in your blabbering, lost in your eyes which are too talkative or may be its just me who want to hear something from the pair . I am so unaware of the things going around. Is it raining to the floods or winter is bringing out the chill thrill? I don't know anything. I am enjoying to be lost into the wild. Lost into the intense cluster of thoughts. Thoughts which are intended to find the perfect couple of words to express myself, to express all of me. It should be worth of something positive .

         But wait, should I tell you this? Well it may change the things between us
Will you believe the extend I mean it ?
Will you feel the way I feel for you?
Will you love me ever?

I am afraid because your world seems perfect. Perfect excluding me. You seem complete. But you are a major part of me. Dilemma is eating up my head. I can't bear this up any longer. Albatross is killing me. So whatever it would head this up, I am going to tell you today. I have made my mind to ask you out. Ask to being a person who would be your another half , a person who will be more yours. I was just enveloping up my courage to tell you the things just when your cell phone rang. You picked up the call. Its your mom you said. You talked brief and disconnected the call and stood out of the chair collecting your shades and keys from the table and said 'hey, I have to go home , I almost forgot that I had to take mom to the market. She is waiting for me. I am already too late'

I have nothing to say. I just nodded with a wide smile. She waved with a smirk and blinked her eyes and said ' see you soon buddy, bye'. I waved back.

     She left the table in hurry. But those feelings are still here with me, captive within me, unexchanged , unexpressed.

@Garvit

Bachpan # Creation 23

"May be one can buy everything with his earned money, but he can't bring back his childhood"

                                                                                             - A.P.J.Abdul Kalam

Ankhe bhari thi uss din,aur hotho par ek hi zid thi..,
Pehli baar dhur jaana tha maa se, yhi cheez bas mushkil thi,
Ek chhota sa jo basta tha sath me, bs utna hi bojh tha kandho pe,
Chhoti moti khwahishe thi school ki aur, jo na kasti thi fando me .,
Bachpan kehte the use....bachpan kehte the use....

Bebaak , badboli aur kuch nadaan si thi wo zubaan..,
Laba-lab hi bhara rehta tha sada mere sawalo ka kuan.,
Ab to kher sabko sab kuch pata hi hota hai.,
Haan bas ye nhi samajh pata koi ,ki ye bachpan kaha khota hai...

Naa noto ki jarurt lagti thi kabhi, naa rehta tha tab tizori ka pata,
Muskurakar maaf kar deta tha har koi, agar ho jati thi mujhse koi khata,
Aaj sikko ki khanak pe hi dodati hai ye duniya mujhe,
Naa narajgi jatane ka samay hai kisi pe,
Naa hi rishton ki keemat hai tujhe !

Puri umarr se jyada zindagi kehte hai jise,
Bachpan kehte hai use ,bachpan kehte hai use...

@Garvit

Traveller # Creation 22

Travelling has been always tempting for me. Visiting new places,  exploring nature, wondering over technological wonders or experiencing everything that is simply wonderful is a dream since ever.  The heighest of heights to the deepest in depths..I want to witness all that would amaze me. So, I tried to put down my dream in the poetic style.., have a glance !

What you want to do with your life when asked a meddler..,

I answered very concise, I want to be a traveller...

A traveller who needs not to stop anytime soon,

Limits can be crossed, who has that boon...

From the height of burj to the depth of Pacific,
Paths are wonderful or whether they are terrific...

I want to explore all the beautiful creations of nature and man..,

How cold the winter can be, how sonorous can be the rain...,
Capturing the moments, making from the mob..
Distributing a thought of wisdom,throughout the globe..
The fragrance of places feeding in my mind,
Living in the cultures with people of every kind,
Their dishes, their parties, all the different  ways in which they have fun,
Singing songs, dancing folks, from cracking of dawn to the setting of sun.,
No worries of earning , no trouble of survival,
Leaving the life goods back there, I want to be a traveller !

+Garvit

The Perfect Night # Creation 21

This is one of my all time favourite and ofcourse too close to me. How much the things could be perfect?  I think..this much, have a look..

There is something suspicious in this very night,
Her eyes are bright, as bright as the moonlight..
A melodic synth is singing its beautiful song,
I want this  moment to be life long..,
This night will last, is my only aghast.,
When she'll despise her lashes and shy in vast..
This relationship has been too amicable since its origin.,
Every moment we have spent is bookmarked in my memory bin...
But today, I don't want to rewind that blossoming reel...
Rather, I am obsessed to express what I feel...
Words are tangled which are intended to describe her awesomeness,
That tiara and her red gown are just complimentary to her pretty face..
The things are just perfect, please convey this to god some raven..
The seat beside you is always most precise to heaven..
You are very happy and your blabbering might gonna stop never.,
So I want the departer inside me to wait forever.. :D
I want to hold your sight and  hug you tight..
Because there is something suspicious in this very night..

@Garvit

MAA # Creation 20

And here it is,the most awaited write up for me. Although, describing a 'mother' is one of the most difficult task god have made, but I have always desired to try this up through poetry,so read it out and feedback how far I have done...

Kaise main bayaan karunga tujhko jab koi puchega tere bare main, ye tu batla de maa mujhe aaj hi,
Mere dil ki har baat pata hoti hai jaise tujhe, pata hoga na maa tujhe ye raaz bhi...

Kaise hisaab ginaunga main unhe ki kitna pyaar diya hai tune mujhko...
Aur kaise ginaunga wo sekdo raatein jab meri neend ki ajag ne sone nahi diya tha tujhko...

Kaise mehsoos karaunga unhe, wo sukoon jo teri goad me ser rakh ke sone se milta hai..
Kaise dikhlaunga wo chehra tera, jo meri har chhoti-badi kamiyabi par khilta hai...

Kaise tolunga wo tere ansuo ki keemat... jo the to bahut saste...par mere liye unse mehanga aur kuch na hota tha..
Kaise vishvaas dilaunga unhe ki chhot lagti thi jab mujhe, to mere dard pe tera dil bhi tha jo rota tha....

Shayad kuch jyada hi sunder thi tu dil se, wo sunderta tere chehre pe bhi raha karti thi...
Aaj lagta hai unhi sanskaro se kuch ban jaunga, jo tu bachpan se mujhe kaha karti thi..

Pehle alfaaz jo nikle the mere muh se, un alfazo ne tujhko hi pukara tha maa..
Pehle kadam bhi teri hi aur badhaye the,  main tera hi to raz dulara tha maa,

Tune apne sapno ka tabeez mere gale me daal kar mere sapno ki kamna bhi kar di...
Kabhi jo khalipan sa laga lakeero main, wo jagah bhi tune apni mamta se bhar di..

Tu alag ho mujhse maa kabhi, wo dard mujhe kabhi nhi hai sehna...
Pehli saas se sath hoti hai na jaise tu, wese hi aankhri saas tak mere sath hi rehna...


@GARVIT

ZINDAGI # Creation 19

A peaceful late-night of summer made me write this when I was traveling down to my home. A thoughtful mind, cold breezes..when their silent sound is the only thing you can hear and an open sky from where billions of stars are leering at you..well, that was JUST PERFECT!! So Have alook with what I came up with....

Kuch baat hai...jo labon ka rasta taraash rahi hai ,
Ek barsaat hai jo azaadi ke geet gaa rahi hai.,
Ek kiran hai suraj ki jo betaab hai ankhe chaka-chhondh karne ko.,.
Aur kuch khwaab hai ankho me jo umadte hai raato ki sawari karne ko.!

Kuch thandi hawae hai jo kaano me aa kar kuch khus-pusa rahi hai,
Aur ek ye nadaan dil hai jo kabhi bhi kisi se rusa nahi hai.,
Ek toofan hai..,jo mujhko iraado me basi takat dikha rha hai.,
Aur ek ye jharna hai paani ka jo bin kisi hisaab bas baha hi jaa rha hai !

Kuch taare hai jo tim-timate hue aasman pe natak dikha rhe hai.,
Aur ek umeed hai seene me jo heere se jyada chamakdaar aur majboot hai, 

Ek benaam muskurahat hai, jiski wagah samjhana thoda pechida sa hai,
Aur ek meethi si yaad hai , jiske sath ye jeena thoda jyada jeena sa hai !

Khushnuma hu main, iss zindagi ke laakho rang dekh kar.,
Kitni haseen hai ye saanse, hairaan hu main ye soch kar !
Har ek pal esa likh rha hu main iss mukadarr ki kitaab me,
Ki duniya kahegi kyu chhod di thi saanse un janaab ne.. !!!

@Garvit

Last day # Creation 18

P.S - This is fully fictitious and I am absolutely fine..please make it clear in your very minds if it comes anything after reading this!! :P 
Its just that I have visited some souls having life long diseases and I have just tried to think how their minds will look like...here it is with what I come up...

This could be my last day..
But I still have much for life to pay,
I am left with breaths on my finger count..
But there are still a thousand climbs which are left to mount,
I don't have seen even many dreams yet,
I am still in a search of my perfect mate,
I want to run down the grounds , I want to fly...
But legs ain't capable to run and time has consized my sky,
The way to a world tour is waiting for me.,
But its like I am standing in a offing of the sea...
I often think..which work should I do first..
Because any minute could over my death's thirst,
Therapies are now my silent parties ,
Now I dance on painful remedies.,
I play with my thoughts, on the ground which appears like my bed..
Sympathy is all I have in my destiny shed.,
I want to gift some proud moments to all my belongings..
I want to spend some more nights under star bed of springs,
Death itself is pumping through out my veins, 
And I have become a reason for the tears on chins,
Well, I am heading to live some moments of which I have always thought of....
and I would wish you all a gud luck because I am not gonna so easy to forget off..
+Garvit Agarwal 

Kuch Chhuth Gaya Hai jo # Creation 17

A world of a son and his mother..how they were the heartbeats of each other's lives ..
One of my favourites ...DO READ

Aanchal me tere main pala-badha., Teri phatkaaro se main hua bada..,
Mere kamjor pairo ki malish kar.. ,Tune mujhe chalne kabil banaya. ,
To har kadam pe ek baap ki tarah..,Tune mujhe mushkilo se bachaya..,
Chale gaye the papa sarhad par desh ki raksha ke liye.,
To tere hi najuk kandho ne maa har ek bojh uthaya....
Bimaar hota jab main ...to jese teri jaan sukh jati 
Raat-Raat bhar jaag kar maa tu thandi pattiya chadhati....,
Savere mujhe tera raja-beta bana kar school tak chhod ke aati..,.
To raat ko mere mathe pe hath fer chanda mama wali loriya sunati ..,
Hum dono ki apni hi ek duniya thi.,jisme koi kami mehsus nhi hoti thi mujhe...
Tu hi dost thi, tu hi ghar....teri mojudgi se jyada na khwahishe thi mujhe...,
Par phir mujhe padhai ke liye tune bahar bhej diya...
Kuch matlab tha tera ki me kuch ban jau.,to thoda tune balidaan de diya...,
Meri padhai puri hui to ek note chapne wali nokri bhi mil gyi..,
Par jab milne aaya tujhse to ehsaas hua ki meri khushiyo me hi teri zindagi nikal gyi...
Kitni akeli aur bebas si ho gi hogi tu yaha..,
Mere jane se kis tarah ujad gya hoga tera chhota sa jahan..
Papa ki raah takte-takte to teri palke kabse hi thak kar bichh gyi thi...
Magar main tha to jese pura sansaar tha, par mere jane ke baad itne bade sansaar me bhi tu akeli reh gi thi..,.
Aaj kuch ban gya hu main aur tera ser bhi garv se uchaa kar diya hai maine...
Par kis matlab ki ye shaan-o-shokat..,jab lauta ni sakta hisaab unn akele palo ka tere....
Bas ab sare aisho -aaram de sakta hu main tujhe meri kamai dolat se...
Par teri goad me sone ka sukoon maang sakta nhi main wo nikli mohlat se..!!

+Garvit Agarwal