Papa #Creation 31

Kal ki hi to baat hai papa...jab aap mujhe meri galtiyo pe khoob fatkaar lagaya karte the,

Kal ki hi to baat hai jab aap roz kaam se loat-te samay mere liye kulfi laya karte the...

Kal ki hi to baat hai jab scooter pe piche kaskar pakde bethna apko..mujhe bahut mehfuz sa mehsus hota tha...

Kal ki hi to baat hai jab raat hoti to baajuo pe aapki ser rakh ke main sota tha...

Kuch kami si lagti hai papa kahi, kahi kuch suna sa ho gaya hai...

Aur aap kehte ho ki dekho beta mera ab bada ho gaya hai...

Chaadar ughaad deta tha raat ko to saanya aapka dhak deta tha mujhe...

Janam-din aata to puchte the mujhse ...ki bol beta iss bar kya chahiye tujhe..

Pehle kadam bhi to mene apne ...aapki ungli pakad kar hi badhaye the...

To inhi pero pe kabhi khade ho kar mene aapke paanv dabaye the....

Sochta hu.. phir ek din zameen par hi so jàu, aur aap aao mujhe bister tak goad me le jane...

Sochta hu phir ek din school ni jane ke liye  kahi jhuth bolu main , par aap samjh jao mere sare bahane...

Sochta hu phir ek din aapka hath pakad ke niklu baazar main, aur khilono ki khwahish karu aapse...

Sochta hu phir ek din dosto ki koi toli me jane ki dar dar ke sifarish karu apse...

Kyunki...

kuch kami si lagti hai papa kahi, kahi kuch suna sa ho gya hai...
Aur aap kehte ho ki dekho beta mera ab bada ho gya hai...

कल की ही तो बात है पापा जब आप मुझे मेरी गलतियों पे खूब फटकार लगाया करते थे ,

कल की ही तो बात है जब आप रोज़ काम से लौटते समय मेरे लिए कुल्फी लाया करते थे,

कल की ही तो बात है जब स्कूटर पे पीछे कसकर पकडे बेठना आपको मुझे बहुत महफूज़ सा महसूस होता था,

कल की ही तो बात है जब रात होती तो बाजुओ पे आपकी सर रख कर मैं सोता था।

कुछ कमी सी लगती है पापा कही, कही कुछ सुना सा हो गया है,

और आप कहते हो की देखो बेटा मेरा अब बड़ा हो गया है।

चादर उघाड़ देता था रात को तो सांया आपका ढक देता था मुझे ,

जन्मदिन आता तो पूछते बोल बेटा...इस बार क्या चाहिए तुझे,

पहले कदम भी तो मेने अपने ..आपकी ऊँगली पकड़ कर ही बढ़ाए थे,

तो इन्ही पेरो पर कभी खड़े हो कर मेने आपके पाँव दबाएँ थे।

सोचता हु फिर एक दिन ज़मीन पर ही सो जाऊ और आप आओ मुझे बिस्तर तक गोद में ले जाने ,

सोचता हु फिर एक दिन स्कूल नहीं जाने कही झूठ बोलू ,

पर आप समझ जाओ मेरे सारे बहाने,

सोचता हु फिर एक दिन आपका हाथ पकड़ कर निकलू बाजार में, और खिलौनो की ख्वाहिश करू आपसे,

सोचता हु फिर एक दिन दोस्तों की कोई टोली में जाने की डर-डर के सिफारिश करू आपसे।

क्योंकि..

कुछ कमी सी लगती है पापा कही, कही कुछ सुना सा हो गया है,

पर आप कहते हो की देखो बेटा मेरा अब बड़ा हो गया...।।

@Garvit

You have to come back # Creation 30

Preceding your father's life, you always wanted to join army. You have been a patriot since always. Or that was your father's blood voyaging in your veins. Your father was a brave prestigious man. I had been always proud of him and respected his desperation for army and his dreams to serve the country . Though his passion and job had made us apart many times, many times when I needed him , many times when I felt a void in my life. But his not being with me seemed never wrong to me.I knew this would happen before our marriage but I choosed this life because I had loved him. Inspite, he had one another love too, love for his duty and he had never try to offset with it. Though, he never had been with me much but one day, he left me . Left me to heavens with infant you in my hands. I had no idea how my life would head up without him. He was my only family.A war ate up my whole world all of a sudden. A life which we had dreamed of was buried with him, now it was going to be a different life .I was scared. I was spifflicated. Then I looked at you and  I saw a glimpse of him in your eyes which were swelled up with tears. You felt like my everything for whom I had to smile and cheer my breaths up. I nourished you, putting up my best , tried to justify the persona of a father too . The deprivation caused to my soul from loosing your father couldn't be healed completely ever, but you have been a sun in my life.You got me the reasons to be happy and to care about myself. I had moved on from past a little, a little busy in making the today more complete when one day, you were some 8 years old that time, you came to me with your toy gun and said 'Mumma..I will become a soldier'. You kept gibbering that I'll fight for my country and I'll destruct the enemies if they raise their eyes on my people. A fear torn up in my heart in that very second, I couldn't afford another loss, I couldn't die again but I swallowed up my egocentricity and appreciated  you with a smile. Sociality inside me was almost dead. My mornings always started with making you your bed coffee and the night ended with kissing your forhead . You were my whole world and I never wished to step outside it. But, it was like you asked me to play a game that day in which, I would loose in either case. With the span of time you grew up into a Smart, intelligent and obedient child . You were a perfect child. But you have your own ways. You joined the army. I never stopped you from doing what you loved and this was the biggest dream of your life although. How could have I asked as  you to stay with me , how could I had been so narcissistic .But apprehensions were eating me inside. But what could I have done !  I wished a safe life for you and sent you off with a scared proud mother inside.But I didn't let my fears fade the feeling of proud on you.  After you went off,I was all alone again. This time the pain was more atrocious because you habituated me of love again. But I kept telling myself that though you are miles away, you are here, here for me. I was happy for you.

Today, I want to say that just keep living your dreams and serving your country, as your father would have wished if he was here and remember that I will be always there with you in every war you will fight, in every challenge you will face , in each of your lows and highs, I will be always with you son.I will be always proud of you. And keep it in your mind that you just can't die, you can't do this to me. You have to come back always , for someone back here at home, for someone who can't afford to loose you anyway, for someone who's waiting for you....you have to come back.
@Garvit

My Superhero Dad # Creation 29

My father has been too strong since my very initial breathing memories , strong Like the tough stem of the tree. Unswayed by the weather changes of the life he stayed strong, never being too good in evincing. I kept presuming that this is the way he is.... Less emotional, Highly matured. But as I Grew up , I got to understand that we , his family were the roots of that tree. As we got scattered away from him, he got weak somewhere inside. The strength is attenuated. 

He used to be different or may be this was him inner to that crust , crust through which I could never see. The person, we totally rely on seems a little dependent on us now. He seems tired now. He needs a support. He seems incomplete. I considered him a super human but no, he was no exception..he too needs to be nourished by love and care as we all do. 

  I marveled to note that the time flies in pattern similar to a hourglass. As the sand tickles down ,a father be the one who decides things we should do and which we shouldn't, He be the one who holds our hand and takes us out on vacations and fulfill our demands and needs. Sitting on his scooter , holding him tight is such a Triumphal ride for us.  He works hard to fulfill our little dreams. He always being so perfect. But then , as it happens in a hourglass...the time repeats itself in the opposite flow.  Clock starts ticking back. He doesn't punctuate us much , he thinks we are mature enough to take care our own's good. Our little achievements are so triumphal for him. And now its been us who work hard to make his dreams come true. Its been us who fulfill his needs, who take him out on vacations, holding his hands. He feels good when we spend time with him, He feels good when we drive him off somewhere . Recalling all that blissful memories, we laugh loud and sometimes we feel that void which can't be replaced. He loves those days, he loves to talk about it. Why wouldn't he..it was beautiful. He misses himself, as do we.

      I still remember, I used to cry so hard when he had to go for business trips just for a day or two , but He couldn't even cry loud when I was the one who had to leave home for studies and he didn't even know when I would return back. But a bruise was there in his eyes that day , bruise of loneliness. But he showed nothing through his words. I couldn't understand that part of him until that day. I had never supposed that I had that much importance in his life and it would be that hard for him to send me off from him. I had never met that emotional him. He was my Superman dad , who can solve every damn problem of the world but he was so helpless that day. My eyes didn't consent the change. But he was so hard on playing the stereotype. He always has been so hard on playing his tough stereotype.

But now,  he is not good in ploughing his emotions and feelings . Though He still doesn't express much but his eyes speak something that hurts me deep inside. There's paleness. There's restlessness. He wants me to be there with him. But yet again he says nothing .I want to hug him tight and tell How much I love him, but I have to go and I don't want to add on the nuisance.I wish , I Could nod to those eyes  , I wish I could stay !

@Garvit

Kya Likhu.... # Creation 28

Kya likhu ki Shabd mere ho aur Dastaan lakho ki bayaan ho jae,
Kya likhu ki jab sune meri nazme koi to wo yaadon se saje galiyaro me kho jae,

Kya likhu esa ki tukbandiya meri misaal si kahi jae mehfilo me kabhi, 
Kya likhu esa ki geet baje jab mere to masti me ho majboor thirakne lage sabhi...

Kya likhu esa jo ishq sa khoobsurat ho aur Ishq ke tajurbo sa ho khaara...
Kya likhu esa ki kam hi labz kharch ho mere aur utar jau kagaz pe main saara.., 

Kya likhu ki mere khayalo ki gehraiyon main jhaank sako tum bhi,
Kya likhu ki shabdo ka shringaar panno pe taank sako tum bhi...,

Kya likhu ki iss raat ki khoobsurti ke sang thoda insaaf ho jae...,
kya likhu ki taaref me kami bhi reh jae noor ki to maaf ho jae...,

Kya likhu ki Jo bayaan na hui thi baatein ab tak, un baaton ko lafzo ka ek rasta mil jae...
Kya likhu ki Khud ke aur kareeb mehsus ho mujhe aur pehchaan se meri mujhe thoda fasla mil jae ...
@Garvit

How sorry I am to myself # Creation 27

I know that I am not like everyone, mortals ratify this to me everyday. People stare at me, rendering how sorry they are for me and my razed face. I can read the essence in their eyes, which are screaming disgust , an unacceptability for me to be in their vision. Nobody looks pleased to see me. They show me whispering to whom I failed to grab the attention. But I have no moans with them. I would have been doing the same, if I would be them. I avoid being in crowd.

They just remind me of the misfortune who is me.I used to live like a free bird until he burnt down my feathers of confidence. Those parties, family gatherings look like no more for me. Sometimes my friends invites me for partying , clubbing and all that hangout stuff I used to do then, but its like that incident have extracted out that me out of me. I can’t be the same again. Though, My life is not changed that much. My family still loves me a lot. Mom still kisses me on my forehead every morning, she still put that chilli spray in my hand bag whenever I tell her that I would be late from my classes and Dad, he still brings me bunch of chocolates and buy me those tempting Beautiful dresses which look extremely gorgeous on Mannequins. Though, sometimes I think about the people who have changed since then.

I don’t feel complaintive generally, but I just think sometimes that God could have brought me that fiend a little later. May be a week or two. Or he would have acknowledged me about its coming. So that I would tell the person, whom I had loved about my feelings. I don’t know what he had felt for me, but now I am not strong enough to face him, because I am afraid that I would see sympathy in his eyes, eyes in which I have always wished to see love for me. God, if you had given me any sign that this is going to happen to me, I would have consent when dad used to convince me for my marriage.  I would’ve not be a burden on you dad. I am sorry dad.

He was daft actually. He thought that chemical would just burn my face, he didn’t know that it would effect intrinsic. He didn’t know that it would demolish the whole me, it would kill the psyche inside my body. Might be I would have tolerated that insolence that day, but as a human being, I was unaware that he would revert me so deep to hurt his ego. He is jailed but still he won , I lost. His cruelty is still mapped on my face.

But as it is said, no one can snatch the art inside you,even his hatered couldn’t. I can still portrait pictures so lifelike. Pictures which are so colourful, so lively as the life inside me is depicted down on the paper. I have many accolades decorating up my shelves but I think art is something which must be passed on, so I teach sketching to kids . I love to spend time with them . They  don’t critique me for my face. Its like they think that Drawing teachers look like that. They don’t sympathize me and I feel much comfortable with them. Hachiko, My dog is my lifeline too. I share the laughters and tears with him. I feel that he understands me better than the most of people out there.

I know that fate has chosen different paths for me which have spikes and sufferings on each step and I have made to walk on it, but God, I promise you that I would make out a happy life out of the breaths which are left , for the people who still love me and for making me believe that I didn’t lose to him. I will win one day. Yes…I will do it.

                                                                          :-Garvit Agrawal

Apprehensions #Creation 26

We fear. We fear to say. We fear to admit. We fear to step up. There are fears which are abating the profounding us. Fears which are keeping us to be more ourselves. Fear to express, fear to feel. But just stop it..stop it right now.

Stop letting your fears fadeout your winked heart. And rememer one thing that the fear to loose will never let you win. Just forget about the god damn consequences if its not jesting up the ethics. And Understand that result is not the conclusion always.  If there exist something that brings you closer to yourself, or gives you a self satisfaction and happiness then don’t bother yourself, just do it. Any outcome can’t be worse than a regret of life time.

Live high. Do the wildest things, tell people how much they matter for you, get yourself high on alcohols.. it wouldn’t kill you damn it, propose your love in the most romantic style you have ever imagined, no matter how stupid it is… reciting william black on your knees or whatever it is. Jump down into the water from that heightened cliff, don’t try to manipulate the mountaineer inside you that provokes you to climb up even in a temperature that is beating the zero, spend on the things you love even if it would ruin your savings,trust that ripcord and jump down from thousands of feets above the ground and feel that how it feels to be uncapturable. Do your dream jobs even if don’t earns you much bucks. Think less, fear least and just live out a life so amazing that it left nothing to repent about. Life is beyond fears.

@Garvit

"Dear Sister"- An Open Letter #Creation 25

I had never thought that someday I would miss those little things so much. Those family stuff when we all used to sit together, eat together in a place which have its definition by each one of you. When we used to celebrate birthdays so warm, when I used to save my pocket money just for two causes, to bring you Rakshabandhan gifts and to buy that red remote control car. We had fights for almost everything which I had to share with you, whether its about accessing the tv remote or for that narrow space in front of that ‘bada wala mirror’, whether its for the crackers which dad used to bought to us or those devoted desires to bat first in those crucial cricket matches with you in the backyard. It all was too infantile and stupid, yet beautiful.

I had never considered it much then, but in the later times, I have realised that you were my first best friend, with whom I have spent my whole childhood and artless. I still remember the times when I was in my earliest teen age and I  used to manage a intense tough look to those loafers who used to follow you with their eyes when we used to walk together to the those street food stalls in the market and the times when you used to pamper me when I got sick and motivate me for participation in competitions and burst up my self confidence. You guided me through out, whether it was studies or whenever I tried cooking.

You were some 2 years elder to me, but I never felt the difference in ages. But now, I feel the difference. You are married now. You don’t live with us any more. You are family to other people too, who are miles apart. And I know I can’t even imagine how hard it would be for you to opt between two families, in which one would never have been an option. Whenever I make my way to home in any sort of vacations, it all feels incomplete. Mom-dad are a bit pale now, may be because we both are not with them and they are aged now. I think they have got used to of this hush. But my mind fails to adopt this change everytime when I come home. I can watch the whole football match and now no one would poke me to change the channel, but now its not that Joyous, may be just because you are not here to urge for your daily soaps. Though we had never missed a single chance to roast each other, but I really miss our togetherness, our arguments, our late night ice cream parties., our long talks in which we used to share everything, from the lies we have spoken to mum. .to our infatuations. We had good understandings. But permanency is extraneous from the dictionary of life.

Now, I wait up for the junctures, when you will be here and this house will look like a home again and this inanimateness screw out of our lives and we, the family would look complete.

@Garvit